Tears in the Rain

In life, true inspiration does not come very often. Are you too busy going to work? Doing chores? Paying bills? Buying so called brand new cars from Chevrolet dealerships run by conmen who’d sell their own mother if they could turn back the odometer? I know I am.

Anyway, the other day, whilst filing a lawsuit against a certain purveyor of second rate personal conveyances, I had an idea. I would write a play.

A version of Bladerunner adapted for live audiences.

On my way home from work it was raining cats and dogs, and my Chevrolet was playing up, so I had some free time waiting for the AA. I fished a piece of paper and a pen from my pocket and set to work.

How did it go? The premise was there. I could visualise it, but nothing was translating to written word. In the end I gave up and went to bed with a certain dissatisfaction.

One truly inspired moment is rare enough, but two in as many days is quite extraordinary. The next day it came to me. Bladerunner: on Ice! First thing in the morning I set out to the supermarket. It was still raining cats, dogs and mice, so I took the Chevrolet. 4 miles, 3 and a half hours, and 2 tonnes of ice cubes later and my pen was back on paper.

But there was still no spark and bedtime was still a pretty depressing affair.

The following morning: a miracle. For the third day in a row, I was inspired: Animals do Bladerunner: on Ice! I ran outside, arms in the air, triumphant, but it was still raining cats, dogs, mice, guinea pigs and the occasional tortoise. I ran back inside past the Chevrolet and grabbed a bucket.

2 hours later, having caught enough heaven-sent household animals for the cast I was sat, weeping profusely in the back seat of my run down Chevrolet, gripping a guinea pig dressed as an android, grinning from ear to ear, screaming “I’ve… seen things you people wouldn’t believe… [laughs] Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those… moments… will be lost in time, like [coughs] tears… in… rain. Time… to die…” when I was inspired for the fourth and final time.

I need to get a girlfriend.

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